Anticipare

In fiecare zi am sentimentul ca ceva lipseste, ca ma asteapta ceva, ca trebuie sa se intample ceva.  That my life hasn’t started yet.

E veche povestea cu ne petrecem o viata asteptand “ceva”, Beckett ilustra cel mai bine asta in “Asteptandu-l pe Godot”, o carte pe care o caut de foarte mult timp, fiind una dintre acele scriituri in care as putea sa regasesc esenta vietii. Asteptam la coada, asteptam ziua de maine, asteptam salariul, asteptam o excurise, pe cineva drag sa se intoarca, asteptam sa vina noaptea sa putem inchide ochii si sa visam o viata ideala…asteptam. La asta se rezuma totul, desi nu inteleg de ce si simt chestia asta, de parca ceva nu e in regula, de parca urmeaza sa se intample ceva crucial, but i can’t put my finger on it.

Iubesc anticiparea, emotiile, probabil la fel ca restul oamenilor. Imi plac inceputurile si trairile puternice, inainte ca lucrurile sa se aseze, cand incepe un nou set de asteptari, la alt nivel. Astept, dar nu stiu ce astept.

Stiu ca starea asta a inceput pe undeva pe la liceu, cand asteptam admiterea. Ma gandeam ca viata mea o sa se schimbe – in bine – de atunci si aproape nimic nu va mai fi ca inainte. Nothing changed. M-am gandit ca o data cu terminarea facultatii, cu “intrarea pe piata muncii” o sa intru in normal, o sa fiu pregatita pentru ceea ce urmeaza si daca va fi sa se intample ceva nu o sa zic nu. Acum astept. Astept master-ul. Apoi o sa astept sa-l termin.

So when is my turn?!

 

Until…

 

Angel

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there’s always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there’s vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don’t make no difference
escaping one last time
it’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here